blogging boundaries
Blogging is fun and interesting, and is something I haven't done in a long time. Why not start again?
My issue here, more than all else, is the fear of doping my brain up on interactions with others online. I left social media sometime ago because that addiction had me in an honest-to-god choke hold. I compulsively check my notifications to see if anyone has liked what I've posted and shared. I would frequently check if I've gotten any upvotes on the tidbits I gave out about my inner world and pathologizing. It's kinda horrifying.
I 100% do not want to get to that point again. I do not want to post in hopes of interaction, I want this to be an intrinsically fulfilling project that I do out of my own volition and not compulsively sniffing around for dopamine hits or validation from strangers. Is it my goal to connect with the world through this blog or to document my life?
Coming from a family with hoarder tendencies, I tend to compulsively get rid of my things. This includes clothing, belongings, schoolwork, journals and diaries. Even photos. I carry nothing with me but the here and now. So why try documenting? What am I documenting? What is all this? Who are you?
Who am I? is the question this blog will answer. Who am I at the time of posting? I am that moment in time, those words on the screen. That's who I am. That's the character of this blog.
I doubt I will ever look back on these posts with curiosity about what I was up to at the time of posting, so if nothing else... I will muse about the little things.